Warning - bad language

I try, I really do try.
It usually ends up with a few weeks of suppressed frustration flowing out in sobs, wails and a few flying plates. I ask them, nicely, please help me, with anything. A bit of washing up, the odd bit of hoovering, a quick tidy round, stick a load in the washing machine, it isn't difficult, empty the tumble dryer, have a quick dust, pop up and stick a few bob on the gas, go get a bit of shopping, maybe cook a dinner, anything, any one of the above would make my life just that little bit easier. usually after an outburst they are shocked in to helping, for 24 hours maximum, then it's back to the way things were. It's been like this for years. I vow to myself to leave it, let it turn in to a pig sty, why should I care, but I do care, I can't live in a mess, I like to be proud of my home, not ashamed. But I just can't keep up with, not whilst holding down two jobs.
The questions that make me blow are:
I don't seem to have any clean socks
the reply I give for a quiet life:
I'll get some washing on
the reply I'd like to give:
Well go stick the fucking washing machine on then
Where is that letter, I left it here, what have you done with it?
The reply I give for a quiet life:
I don't know lovey, let me look for it
the reply I'd like to give:
you left it lying around so I threw the fucking thing away
There's nothing to eat
the reply I give for a quiet life:
Let me just finish this transcript and I'll nip up shops and get some food
the reply I'd like to give:
Well get off your lazy fat fucking arses and go buy some food
Mother in law comes up and sees the washing up piled in the kitchen and makes the following suggestion:
I find it easier to wash up, dry up and put away as I go along, it's easier to keep the draining board clear then
the answer I give for a quiet life:
Yes, I will try and do that
The answer I'd like to give:
I'd find it easier if you trained your son to learn how to fucking wash and dry up for me once in a while (oh how I'd loooove to use that one)
Father in law's comments concerning my elderly cats keep having accidents on the floor, next to the litter tray:
Maybe two litter trays would help, and constant cleaning them out even if they only wee
the reply I give for a quiet life:
Yes, I'll pop out and buy another one after I've finished this transcript and before I go to sainsburys to work
the reply I'd like to give:
Maybe having the fucking cats put to sleep so that I didn't have to constantly clear up mountains of cat shit day after day because your son keeps putting pots over them and waiting me for me to finish an 8 hour shift at work to come home and clear it up cos it makes him retch, it isn't something that has me singing for joy either!
*note* I love my cats and in no way would ever have them put to sleep

And so it goes on, me saying nothing for months, then blowing my top, everything changing for a day or two then back to square one. Welcome to my world.

my mum's answer ... well tell them how you feel! doh!
Mother in law's answer .... bless him!
Martin's answer .... I'll do it in a minute
Keith's answer .... I did the washing up last week!
my answer ... fuck off the lot of you