WHAT ON EARTH?

DAY 6
I can't believe it, only a small thing to anybody else but a major thing for me. I have all but starved myself of anything tasting mildy 'nice' since saturday. Not one peice of chocolate has passed my lips, nothing with more than 1 gram of fat, I've had salads, water, sweetners in my hot drinks, fat free yoghurts, etc, etc, and I've been on my running machine for 40 minutes everyday, and I've been sooo much more active due to my new found energy and ... I've gained 2lb, I am 10st 4lb this morning. Now I really really really feel like smoking again. keith is like well I told you, you can't do both, you have to lose the weight then quit smoking, have a fag and chill ... GGGgggrrrrrr. He reckons it's a metabolism thing, that no matter what I do I'm gonna gain about 2 stone whether I like it or not. To top it all, woman over the local pub, she quit about 3 months ago, I asked her how she was doing, oh fine apart from the two and a half stone I've gained (not being cruel but it showed) BUT I'M NOT EATING ANYTHING BAD, Waaaaaaaaahhhh i want my mummy .......maybe it's the fat turning to muscle???? pigs might fly ...
I am one of these people that has always been slim, and always been commented on how lovely my figure is, I'm no supermodel but I have always felt good when I put a pair of hipsters etc on, I'm so not feeling good right now, I'm feeling pretty gross, I hate it, If i make it through this without A, smoking, B, killing someone, C, smashing the windows, D, ripping all my clothes up, E, anything remotely psychotic, then I deserve a medal.
Kids are back at school today, not sure if that makes thinsgs worse or better for me?? I will miss the company, more time to mope around and think about things, they have done good so far helping me, sitting there scoffing their eggs and saying, go on mum, just have one creme egg, mum's are supposed to be a bit fat, you're not like young anymore so you don't need to worry that much! that helped.
I got some decaf teabags, so was drinking that all day. I was a teensy bit jumpy last night but not half as much, and I did go out like a light, even had trouble opening my eyes when the alarm went off. Just realised something, my first thought this morning wasn't the ciggies!
Made a dentist appointment yesterday, I want to get all my crowns redone, but this time I dont want them a shade of nicotine cream, I want white ones, I'm sure if I'm paying that sort of money (£179 per crown, I need 6) then I can have whatever shade I want, have a consultation at 12, it will be very interesting to find out total cost,including the whitening of bottom ones, I estimate at £1200.
I'm not happy, I'm really not happy, woe betide anybody what crosses my slippery path today. Deep breath Lynn, take a nice deep breath, smile, head up .... I WILL have a good day, I DON'T feel the need to smoke, oh, wages haven't gone in like they were supposed to ............... is this gonna be a bad day?