Had a 'moment'

WEIGHT: 10st 2LBS NON SMOKER FOR: 3 days
well I made it over the pub, but had a bit of a 'moment' and nearly didn't make it. I'm not sure if it was one of those times where you cause an argument so you can have a cigarette saying 'look what you've made me do now!'
I was going to wear my nice black silky Mexx combat trousers, I squeezed them on and they looked awful, it was very depressing, I can't believe how much weight I've put on over this last year. Silk over cellulite is not very becoming. So I cried, I don't know if I was really crying for the loss of my friend, Golden Virginia, I mean I have been this weight for over a year now so why all of a sudden should it be so shocking? I really really did cry, so much that I was able to add an extra colour on my eye lids. Today I start to watch what I eat, although easter day is not a good day to start. I start at a weight of 10st 2lbs. I'm going to list on here what I have eaten, just to prove to myself that my diet is the worst on the planet, and something needs to be done. It doesn't help that my work involves sitting on my butt for most of my life, how can you possibly exercise and transcribe at the same time?
As for the smoking, it wasn't that difficult last night, I asked Keith to blow a few puffs of smoke in my direction, it was neither gross or lovely, just 'satisfying' I had the jitters bad again last night, keith was watching party poker (ITV4) so I thought I'd crash on the couch with him, but every five minutes I was 'jumping' from my sleep ... what the hell is that all about?? I also woke at 6 this morning, wide awake and raring to go, NO WAY .... next thing I'll be down here washing and ironing before the kids get up!
Oh and I have one tongue ulcer on the way, oh what joy!
the craving isn't as bad this morning, I fancy one but I don't crave one. Down the mother inlaws for easter roast today, must take note of my portion size and pass on the fresh cream trifle, oh God, ain't life a ball!
will research toady, why ulcers? why thejitters? and why the constipation ( note how I didn't go in to that one!)
See ya x