28 April 2006 - 15 days

Went and booked my dental appointment, next Monday, 3 hour appointment, that should be fun, God knows what I'm gonna be like when I come out of there after all that drilling and stuff. This better be good that's all I can say, I've never spent so much money on anything, I don't think, not for me anyhow, I'm expecting them to be stunning and last me a lifetime. Watch this space for progress and pics ..

Had a totally embarassing experience this afternoon. Took Jack to the skating rink, it was very windy, my hair was blown to buggery, I have 2 corwns missing where they have fallen out, as long as I keep my mouth closed I'm fine, and Keith made me carry his bag of crab claws that he bought to eat tonight. Well I'm sitting there all quiet in the corner and keith's boss walked in, Oh My God, the first time I meet his boss andI'm sat there looking like a freaking toothless tramp and stinking of fish, and of course not being able to ignore him I had to politely smile and say hello, showing my gaps in all their glory, I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I was just about to explain the fishy smell and I thought what the hell, the damage is done. I want to curl up in to a little ball under my duvet and stay there for a year, I have never felt so awful. Now I know I have made the right desicion about my teeth, and I am definately going to revamp my hair also, a dramatic new look called for over the next few weeks. Watch this space for before and after pics, it's gonna be a mini 'what not to wear' or 'how not to look like something pulled out from the bottom of the canal'.

Today, for many reasons, I have felt the need to smoke .....

It's been a year tomorrow since Stephen died, we are going to the grave tomorrow and will visit Bev and Mike, altho Bev has said she doesn't know what mood she will be in but of course we are welcome. How do you get over losing your 20 year old son, Martin is 18 now and if he had died in those circumstances I just don't think I could carry on.

Stephen was driving along a motorway in thick fog, witnesses said he was only doing a minimum speed, he knew the route well and knew that there were cones giving a guide as to where the turning off was, unfortunately cones had been also put as a guide to the layby before the turning. In the thick fog Stephen mistook the layby entrance for the turning off, after seeing the cones, and went straight in to the back of a TIR. He was killed almost instantly. A complete waste of a wonderful life. Stephen was a wonderful person, kind, honest, just lovely, he had everything to live for and had just started a degree at a music college in London and was in a very successful rock band in his home town, he was on his way to band practice when the accident happened. His life was taken so unnecessarily and it's been hard for his hundreds of friends and family to make sense of it. What happened to Steve has changed something in everyone who knew him, in some way.

It stalks the night
It stalks the day
It seeks out life
And whisks it away
It's known as death
And other things too
But it's all the same
What matters is you.
How do you see it?
What does it mean?
It's best if you know
For death is unseen.
It can take youat day
It can take you at night
Knowing death well
Can lend you somelight
The passage to death
Is always unclear
And it's best to know
That you're very near.
For death is at hand
It is for us all
Know its face well
So you don't stumble and fall
Now think hard on death
And know that it's near
And the meaning of life
Will be all to clear
And that is to live
For your hearts desire
Not to stumble or fall
But to burn with a fire.
A fire for life
To live for each day
To reach for your dreams
No matter what people say
Life is a question
And death holds a clue
Reach not for the answer
For your life's not due
Live for the moment
And die for it too
For it's the moment that counts
It, and you
Now I'm all done
I've said what I'll say
Just remember one thing
Live for the day!


Rest in peace Stephen, there is never a day goes by when we don't think of you x