Me: I wonder when late night shopping is
Mum: I should imagine it's the day before Christmas, Boxing Day!
It's a miracle I've turned out as balanced as I have really. My mum drives me mad, but she is the only one who can have me laughing until I wet myself, literally. She's over there now, trying to eat a bacon sandwich without her false teeth in. When I caught her sucking the remnants of a Snickers bar from them this morning I told her to put them away. She threw them in her hand bag, they're probably covered in bakki and all sorts now. They don't fit her properly, when she smiles they drop, I wet myself laughing every single time she does it, especially when she gets angry about something and is trying to be serious.
We went round a friends this morning to help make some buffet food, and mum as always is the cause of much laughter. She is a gem, she is one of the very few people who doesn't mind in the least being laughed at.
I have been telling tales of my upbringing with mum, how we went swimming once when Jack was a baby, mum isn't the most svelte of people, she can't swim to save her life, is terrified of the water and didn't think to take her glasses off. She attempted doggy paddle whilst trying to keep the splashes off her glasses, which caused me to almost wee in the pool during a fit of hysterics, and then proceeded to get out of the pool with her costume, unbeknown to her, down to her waist.
The time she attempted toffee apples when I was a young girl, after they had set I lifted up one of the sticks, and all 20 of the toffee apples lifted out in one mass of set toffee.
About 15 years ago she went on a bouncy castle with Martin, something she had wanted to do for years, after Martin took one giant leap and landed, it sent her right over the edge, legs akimbo and skirt over head, I don't think I have ever laughed so much.
The time she attempted a pizza, she didn't use a baking tray. the pizza melted through the shelf to the bottom of the oven, which I was so grateful for as for some reason the topping was tuna, straight out of the tin.
She bought some size 24 trousers from Bon Marche, as she thought she had put on a bit of weight, she tried them on, the waist was up under the armpits, which me and patsy were giggling at, but then when she put her hands in the pockets, which were directly under the armpits, once again I thought me and Patsy were gonna die with laughter.
Most recently she was attempting a rap, for Martin's pleasure, with lyrics such as 'he shot the gun' 'he stabbed with a knife' ' he took some cannabis, uh, uh, cannabis' when I thought I couldn't laugh anymore without throwing up she then threw in some finger/hand movements, me and Martin were in a comatose state of laughter.
The most funniest thing is the innocence, as she gets older she is just the most funniest woman I know, she is the only one who can make me laugh like that, until the tears are streaming down my face.
My mum is sooo bloody annoying at times, but I so do love her.
Mum: I should imagine it's the day before Christmas, Boxing Day!
It's a miracle I've turned out as balanced as I have really. My mum drives me mad, but she is the only one who can have me laughing until I wet myself, literally. She's over there now, trying to eat a bacon sandwich without her false teeth in. When I caught her sucking the remnants of a Snickers bar from them this morning I told her to put them away. She threw them in her hand bag, they're probably covered in bakki and all sorts now. They don't fit her properly, when she smiles they drop, I wet myself laughing every single time she does it, especially when she gets angry about something and is trying to be serious.
We went round a friends this morning to help make some buffet food, and mum as always is the cause of much laughter. She is a gem, she is one of the very few people who doesn't mind in the least being laughed at.
I have been telling tales of my upbringing with mum, how we went swimming once when Jack was a baby, mum isn't the most svelte of people, she can't swim to save her life, is terrified of the water and didn't think to take her glasses off. She attempted doggy paddle whilst trying to keep the splashes off her glasses, which caused me to almost wee in the pool during a fit of hysterics, and then proceeded to get out of the pool with her costume, unbeknown to her, down to her waist.
The time she attempted toffee apples when I was a young girl, after they had set I lifted up one of the sticks, and all 20 of the toffee apples lifted out in one mass of set toffee.
About 15 years ago she went on a bouncy castle with Martin, something she had wanted to do for years, after Martin took one giant leap and landed, it sent her right over the edge, legs akimbo and skirt over head, I don't think I have ever laughed so much.
The time she attempted a pizza, she didn't use a baking tray. the pizza melted through the shelf to the bottom of the oven, which I was so grateful for as for some reason the topping was tuna, straight out of the tin.
She bought some size 24 trousers from Bon Marche, as she thought she had put on a bit of weight, she tried them on, the waist was up under the armpits, which me and patsy were giggling at, but then when she put her hands in the pockets, which were directly under the armpits, once again I thought me and Patsy were gonna die with laughter.
Most recently she was attempting a rap, for Martin's pleasure, with lyrics such as 'he shot the gun' 'he stabbed with a knife' ' he took some cannabis, uh, uh, cannabis' when I thought I couldn't laugh anymore without throwing up she then threw in some finger/hand movements, me and Martin were in a comatose state of laughter.
The most funniest thing is the innocence, as she gets older she is just the most funniest woman I know, she is the only one who can make me laugh like that, until the tears are streaming down my face.
My mum is sooo bloody annoying at times, but I so do love her.
my mum
4 comments:
Awww :o)
x
Heeee...I want to go to dinner with your mum!
I had this friend with false teeth, and one evening, I was trying to convince her to go clubbing with me (years ago, mind you...) and she said 'Oh, I can't...I've lost my teeth!' Well, I persuaded her to go with me sans teeth. Every time a guy would try to make the moves on us, she would smile with her big toothless grin. hee hee hee...nicer than saying 'Bug off!' I thought...
Oh that is such a lovely tribute to your mum.
Heee... I like your Mum, she's funny :o)
xxx
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