27 June 2006 - 74 Days

Hi all. It's been a bit tough lately, I have dreampt of smoking, I have really really fancied a smoke. I'm not a non smoker yet, not by a long shot. When I can watch someone else smoke a lush cig without dribbling all down my front then I know I'm over it, but I don't think that's ever gonna happen. I don't think I will ever be a non smoker, always an ex smoker. I have to stop waiting for the time that I don't want a smoke and accept that I'll always want one, I just don't need one. I have have the horrible feeling that one day someone or something will really upset me, and I will think eff it, and light up. I know what I'm like. I've had my moments but so far been bloody strong, I've amazed myself. I live for the day they find a smoking substitute, something you can smoke that tastes gooood, but does no damage to you, whoever finds the alternative will be a very, very, very rich person. I am amazed that with today's technology it hasn't happened already.

My son is writing and performing some amazing music, he has his first gig in Tonbridge Wells mid July, unfortunately I am away so will miss it.

had three days off, haven't really been near the comp, probably back to work today, unless I ignore the phone, would I????

laterz x