03 May 2006 - DuNNO What Day I'm on

Well, that's a first, didn't think about smoking until I just signed on aol this morning. Walked Jack to school, havent done that in a long, long time, I always drive, even though its a 10 minute walk, i'm such a lazy cow, correction, I was always such a lazy cow!

Going shopping today, it's always the way that when you're skint you see everything you want, when you have some disposable cash you always come home empty handed, always, always happens that way ...so I doubt I'll buy anything. Feel the need to save for my future ... bull ....

Had cross words with keith last night, wanted a ciggie more than anything, I get upset easy since quitting, I get large lumps in my throat that won't go when I swallow, I get this horrible feeling in my stomach, a real sinking gutted feeling, and the tears are falling before I have the time to think about how upset I am. I guess it's all about giving up the nicotine dependancy and having to deal with real emotions without my crutch.

I'm also not sleeping, never in my life have I had sleep deprivation, apart from when I quit before, I just don't sleep. I'm not tired when I go to bed, I stay up til the early hours and try and tire myself out but my mind and body are just constantly active. I lay there at night tryind desperately to sleep but it just doesn't come, I won't worry too much, I'm thinking that my body must be getting enough rest from the moments of nodding off that I do have, I'm totally awake and alert all day so there can't be much wrong. I'm sure it will all sort itself out. My energy levels are unbeleiveable. When I used to work down the shop all day I'd come home, collapse in the armchair and that was me done for, yesterday I came home, washed up, hoovered, ironed, did some more washing, dusted, went to Maccy D's, I just don't stop.

My weight is 10st 1lb this morning, so not gaining any, I'm trying not to scoff too much, have the odd treat like a Maccy D's but it doesn't seem to be hurting. I officially start my healthy eating plan today. I've found some delicious looking healthy recipes, chicken andprawn noodle soup, spicy meatball stew and a good one for tandori chicken, so I will be cooking tonight.

Well best get going, it's an absolutely beautiful day down here today, let's hope it's a good day.

see y'all x