11 May 2006 - Really Peed off

Got my second dentist appt this morning, 11.30, I know what to expect now so I'm even more nervous, still it's gotta be done. Just taken a set of pics to help me keep to some sort of diet. I know, I know, quit the fags then worry about the weight gain later, but I can't, I feel so ugly carrying this extra weight and it makes me miserable which makes me want to smoke to try and lose the weight. I have always been a size 10, when I first quit I gained a stone, the second quit I gained a stone, and when I started smoking again, simply to lose the weight, I didn't! And now I'm creeping up again with my third quit. I'm not even eating more than I normally do but I have read that smoking, well the substances in the ciggies does burn roughly 200 calories per day, when you stop smoking you should exercise for an extra 15 minutes per day to burn off the extra 200 calories, which I am doing on my exercise machine. But it's not making the blind bit of difference. I can't ignore the weight gain, I can't just shrug it off and say oh well, I'll worry about it later, I'm squeezing in to my jeans, I cna see the fat shapes under my tops, I'm so miserable. So, I have taken these pics, they are truly awful, every time I want something sugary or fatty I am going to get them out. fruit and veg for me now, salads, stews, I have to get rid of my sweet tooth, if I quit the ciggies then the sweet stuff should be a breeze? On the advice of my buddy carole, I am not gonna weigh myself everyday, I get so paranoid, I will weigh in weekly. I have to do this. If it ain't one thing it's another in this life, always striving for perfection, trying to be something that other people will find pleasing to the eye, why can't we be happy in our skins, and why the hell can't they invent fat and sugar free chocolate, you'd think with all the technology today!!

P.S a couple of pics of my hair, not the best, I got martin to take a quick snapshot. Didn't realise so much had gone but the condition is lovely now, and feels really comfortable in this hot weather.

hope you all have a better day than me